Firstly I would like to apologise for the lack of banterific comments in this match report. Due to Jack Leeming going AWOL, Dean Smith (The Journo) having to do something Iain Murray seems to think is below him (Work) and the Iain himself still being a soft lad, the duty of having to write a match report has unfortunately fell at my (The Gaffer) feet. (A lot of brackets in that paragraph I’ve just noticed)
The traditional pre match meal meet up for a change actually went quite well. Almost all the players turned up for the originally asked meeting time with the exception of a Mr Barton but I think we are now accustomed to his lateness. Whilst Jonny Hall tucked into his second purchase of the morning, mini fines was the discussion of choice for petty little things such as lateness. This mini fine situation could be introduced during the next couple of weeks. Anyway off we darted to Sunny Morecambe.
We arrived in fairly good time at our venue with Liam Jennings getting us there in one piece managing to avoid crashing his car which is always a bonus given his track record. Some very good facilities with a large 3g pitch. My first thoughts on seeing the pitch we would be playing on was “I am going to get torn I new one here today” knowing id be playing right back for the game.
After a fairly quick change into our kit due to a visit to the toilet from Liam Jennings, we proceeded to begin our infamous warm up routine. For those who are not accustomed to this routine its broken down into three parts:
• Kicking balls at the goalkeeper
• A Few crossed balls
• A very casual stretch of the calves.
Warm up done.
Captain for the day was Mr Showtime himself Joe Walsh. Now I believe he won the toss and decided to keep us in the half we were already in, which I was very grateful of as I was already knackered by this point. The team lined up in the recent 4-2-3-1 formation which I have grown quite fond of recently due to my Fifa ultimate team. Remi ‘Surprisingly sober’ Chatburn started in goal (to the relief of the rest of the team who have had to deal with me over recent weeks) with the back four consisting of; Rhysy Mouriniho(RB) Jonny Hall (CB) Mr Showtime (CB) John Barton (LB). The two centre midfields were the contrasting partnership of Liam Jennings and Ryan Lockett. I say contrasting, because one of them will steal many girls hearts over the next decade of so and the other I’m more concerned with if he’ll still be alive. I’ll leave you to judge who is who….Luke Walsh (RW) Eddie Wrigley (LW). Leaving the dynamic duo of Greek Kyle (CAM) and Paul ‘Zlatan’ Hudson (ST) up top. New boy Dave the Rave started on the bench.
The Game. Ok now this may come as quite a shock to some people and this is by no way an over exaggeration but the first half performance was up there with some of the great team performances that saw the Spanish take home a World Cup and a European Championship. I was thriving in my new role of RB and felt like a young Daniel Alves. The team pressed from the off and created chance after chance. The break through came when a misplaced goal kick from their keeper landed at Greek Kyles feet and he punished the young lad. My memory is not the greatest but im sure the next two goals Greek Kyle scored were essentially carbon copies of this goal. Only other notes I have from the first half are: Ryan Lockett missed an absolute sitter from 4 yards after some great wing play, and Paul Hudson, Greek Kyle and Luke Walsh’s link up play was visually stimulating.
At half time we enjoyed a healthy 3-0 lead. Team talk was go out and play the same we had done first half but “DON’T GET SLOPPY.”
First 30 seconds of the second half Morecambe nearly scored due to some sloppy defensive play from the lads. (I don’t know why I bother sometimes). Fortunately we quickly pulled ourselves together and picked up from where we left off. Luke Walsh scored a header I believe (I missed this and therefore can’t give him the recognition it probably deserved). Morecambe number 9 who I had enjoyed some “Banter…Together” with got booked for an Oscar winning dive attempting to win a penalty. Eddie then managed to get his name taken for an over enthusiastic challenge in midfield. Dave the Rave had come on to make his debut and did very well. Even I was nursing a nose bleed as I found myself in the oppositions penalty area to smash just wide a half volley which had that so much power on it that if a opposition player would have found themselves in the line of fire they’d be waking up in a few days time in Morecambe General Hospital. Morecambe did eventually get a goal back due to a deflection that took it away from Remi Chatburn. However this was later rectified by Jonny Hall who had been moaning all game about a groin strain, yet somehow managed to fight/forget about the pain as he danced through the oppositions defence to took home our sixth.
The game ended 6-1. In the dressing room after Skipper for the day Joe ‘Mr Showtime’ Walsh put on his rather good choice of music. Some proper dirty beats! We then headed home with a rather constructive and quite intellectual conversation regarding when it’s the right time to have kids advocated by of all people Remi Chatburn.
Finally, the result today leaves us top of the North West Cup group we are in needing a result next week in the Wirral against Tranmere to progress to the later stages of the competition and dreaming of a cup final at Giggles Lane in the new year!