Apologies, we got the report last week but had a busy weekend (no pub involved)!
Alright, I know it’s Thursday already and I know the match was five full days ago but some of us have got jobs to attend to (most of us, in fact. Iain – take note). You lot should just be happy to have somebody of my calibre doing this for free. I do it for the love, I do it for the love.
So it was a return to cup action for the Rochdale Supporters Team this weekend as Scottish outfit Livingston made the lengthy trip south of the border to take us on at a new venue, Cardinal Langley. Some people would argue that this constant change of home pitch is disrupting the rhythm of the team as they struggle to build a rapport with the home crowd and a knowledge of their home pitch. Those people would be wrong – it makes no difference to us. We’re amateur footballers and I somehow doubt there are going to be any Rochdale Supporters’ supporters standing on a hill with a sign saying “Take us home to Hopwood Hall” any time soon.
Captain for the day was Jack Leeming as his music selection was fairly pleasant before the game, with not many complaints being uttered by those in the dressing room. At least not aimed at Jack, they were more aimed at a certain baby faced man and his quite frankly abysmal kitmanning abilities. Eventually, with approximately three minutes to kick off, Liam Jennings stumbled through the door like a Lancastrian Pete Doherty, dumped the kit on the floor, bounded through the half-naked bodies and into the bathroom, drawing sympathetic (abusive) comments from the whole team. I was devastated at the arrival of the kit as it meant that Ryan Lockett would finally have to put a shirt on.
For this match I was taking on a new role that I had recently developed for myself. Indeed this was my debut playing the Brian Barry-Murphy role (the team’s eye candy and right-back encourager) and after my outburst following last week’s defeat against Bury (I went a bit Nicolas Anelka on everyone, sorry about that gents), I was unsurprisingly dropped to the bench.
The team as it kicked off included a defence of Adam ‘DILF’ Stott between the sticks, the in-form Iain Murray at right-back, Johnny Barton at left-back and the quite frankly disturbingly dominant duo of Jack Leeming and Jonny Hall at centre back. In midfield, Liam Jennings was supposed to start but with his eyes looking about as stable as Bury’s finances and his speech as slurred as Paddy McCourt’s on a Saturday night in Koko’s, he was dropped in favour of the ‘experienced’ David ‘Dee’ Healey. (That’s the word we’re going to keep using Dee. I hope you’re okay with ‘experienced.’)
Alongside Dee was the mercurial Ryan Lockett and the wings were occupied by the pure energy and enjoyment of Luke Walsh and Phil Darlington. The attacking spots were taken a pair of ‘doing’ centre forwards, the battering ram that is Paul Hudson partnering Joe “I’ll pass it when I want to pass it” Walsh, leaving myself on the bench with the gaffer and the mangled mess of a human being that was Liam Jennings, with poor old Rory Magner given the job of linesman on the other side of the pitch.
Rumours that the Livingston side were arriving half-cut didn’t appear to be true in the opening minutes as they created a couple of chances and put the Rochdale back-line under pressure. As Dale began to wake up however, it was clear who the stronger side was, with the men in the traditional Rochdale colours of green and white stripes began to take a hold of the match. They finally broke the deadline about 15 minutes in but to be honest it’s been that long since the match I’ve pretty much forgot what happened. The important thing is that I remember Paul Hudson sliding the ball into the back of the net to give the home side the lead.
At this point the gaffer, affectionately nicknamed the Heywood Mourinho by me and me alone, decided to withdraw Dee Healey, much to the derision of the fans (me), and bring on Liam Jennings in the centre of the park. At this point we heard one of the most-uttered phrases in amateur football history:
“I play better when I’m drunk any way.”
Those words would be proven true as Liam slotted into the action and began battling away, linking up well with Ryan and helping the midfield to provide plenty of chances for the attackers. Unfortunately for them, they met a Livingston keeper in terrific form and he managed to keep the score to one, until with only a few minutes of the half remaining, Ryan Lockett produced an absolutely stunning shot from around 30 yards out which dipped at the perfect time to nestle in the top corner and double the lead. Surely one of the greatest goals ever scored by this ragtag bunch of Dale fans.
At this point the Livingston lads began to argue amongst themselves, leading to some nervous sideward glances on the touchline and in the Dale ranks, as we all know what the Scots can be like when they’re none too happy. Thankfully they then knuckled down to produce an excellent battle in the second half.
That said – Dale could have been out of sight within minutes of the second half kicking off. Great flowing football and movement from Dale saw them dominate the Scottish side, creating chance after chance with wave after wave of attacking play. Unfortunately the Livingston keeper was more than equal to them on several occasions and that third, killer goal just wouldn’t come.
After surviving this phase of pressure from Dale, Livingston began to return with some of their own football, realising that their chances of progression in the cup were slowly slipping away from them. Due to the game being so long ago I can no longer remember minor details of the game, such as who conceded a penalty, and whether it should’ve been given. Jamie Albiston, taking a break from playing to referee us, pointed to the spot and I don’t remember flinging much abuse his way, so it was probably a justified decision. Thankfully Dale were let off the hook as the Livingston player blasted his penalty against the bar and over. Keeping the score at 2-0.
Another minor detail that I have forgotten is how Livingston’s second goal came about – but with about 20 minutes remaining, they found a way back into the game to set up a nervy but exciting final 20 minutes with the score at 2-1. The Livi players came surging forward in search of that equaliser whilst Dale countered with chances of their own. There was plenty of end to end football in the final stages of the game with the best chance falling to the away side’s nippy little striker. He managed to toe-poke the ball past Adam in the goal, only for Phil Darlington to produce what would be a match-winning goal-line clearance in the final seconds to see Dale over the line and through to the next round of the cup.
The lads are away at Crawley next week with a mismatched side being sent down, including a new face or two. I myself will be on my way to Switzerland to cheer on Roy’s England boys at this point, so I’m unsure who will be bringing you the match report next week, but rest assured that it will not quite live up to the literary orgasm you’ve just experienced reading this masterpiece. Enjoy the trip lads and make sure Leeming doesn’t forget to stick those three points in the boot.